Why Eish Zarah?

Leviticus 10:1-3
“And the sons of Aaron, Nadav and Abihu, each with his fire pan gave fire in them and placed incense upon it and they drew near towards HaShem with strange fire which Ze had not commanded them.

And it came forth! Fire from HaShem! And it consumed them before HaShem.

And Moshe said to Aaron “It is what HaShem spoke, saying ‘In those near me, I will sanctify. And upon the face of all the people I will be glorified.'” And Aaron was silent.

The story of Nadab and Abihu is a strange one. The two recently inaugurate, consecrated sons of Aaron are struck down in the middle of offering incense with an eish zarah, a strange fire. That strange fire and those two Hebrew words are only ever found in Torah when discussing Nadab and Abihu. So what in the world is this strange fire? Hw do we find out when we have nothing else to compare it to in Torah?

There are – of course – rabbinical arguments about what this ‘strange fire’ is. There are also numerous discussions about why these two priests did what they did, why they were struck down fittingly by fire. They are seen in many Abrahamic traditions as – at the very least – ignorant – and – at their worst – villains and heretics. Many simply state it was by mistake as the priestly sacrifices were new and still being learned. Many more state it was the arrogance of youth, the narcissism of the sons of those in power, drunk either literally or metaphorically with their new duties. And, truthfully, its an understandable view. There’s so much punishment theology throughout the Torah – the belief that g-d punishes the evil and rewards the righteous – that it is easy to read this text as a punishment for unrighteousness itself.

But there is one more discussion, a possibility that the rabbis dance around and one less commonly discussed in the past or today – that Nadab and Abihu did what they did out of righteous love.

According to Sifra Shemini Mekhita deMiluim 99:5:4, Nadab and Abihu took their offering in joy, for when they saw the new fire come from g-d in the immediate proceeding verse – “A fire came from before HaShem … and all the people saw, rejoiced aloud, and fell upon their faces” – they went to add one act of love to another act of love. The haftorah portion also seems to bolster this view. The haftorah portion for parsha Shemini is 2 Samuel 6:1 – 7:17 for Ashkenazim and 2 Samuel 6:1 – 6:19 for Shephardim. But both include the following integral and terrifying verse 6:6-7:

“And when they came to the threshing-floor of Nacon, Uzzah put out his hand to the Aron of HaShem, and took hold of it; for the ox stumbled. And the anger of HaShem was burned against Uzzah; and g-d struck him there upon his error; and there he died by the ark of g-d.”

Uzzah is killed for the simple act of trying to prevent the Ark from falling onto the ground, an act of devotion and love. However, despite the love and care intent within the act, that brush against the Ark brings swift retribution from on high. If we use the haftorah as a comparison – which makes sense as the haftorah is always thematically linked to the parsha – this would also point to the fact that it does not matter how much love is intended in Nadab and Abihu’s – or anyone’s – act. If it does not meet the commandments of HaShem, expect destruction.

This is a terrifying thought, that even our best intentions and our most personal offerings could result in such cruel retribution. How do we cope with a power that teaches us that we may very well be killed if our offerings are not acceptable in the precisely prescribed and proper manner?

Nadab and Abihu each offer their own fire to g-d, and it brings swift reaction. Uzzah is struck down touching the Ark. What of others killed? What of other fires? What of Korach and his band, whose story also included censor pans? What about the fire rained upon Sodom and Gemorrah, the fiery hail that fell upon Eygpt?

But just as fire destroys and consumes, it is also a sign of holiness and purification. What of Elijah and the fiery chariot? What of the pillar of fire that follows our people throughout the desert? What of Elijah’s water logged offering ablaze with the fire of g-d, much to the despair of Ba’al’s priests? What of the very burning bush that spoke to Moshe? What of a g-d described as “devouring fire?”

How /do/ we separate the holy fires from the unholy?

Truthfully, I don’t know yet.

What I do know is to try and find as much holy fire as I can, to discover the sacred fire even within those people and moments deemed unholy.

And that brings us back to Nadab and Abihu. So much points to them as villains. So many rabbis try to find fault. So many stories are made to blame them for their deaths. But within those finding fault and passing judgement are those searching for the holy within their actions.

Midrash Numbers Rabbah notes that the deaths of Nadab and Abihu are mentioned numerous times within Torah. The midrash then teaches that this is because g-d /grieves/ for Nadab and Abihu, because they were dear to HaShem. And that is why Leviticus 10:3 quotes g-d to say: “Through them who are near to Me I will be sanctified.”

The same Sifra mentioned earlier also teaches that Moshe was comforting Aaron, telling him revelations of g-d that showed his dead sons’ holiness, for they had been chosen to sanctify. Talmud Zevachim 115b backs this up, interpreting the verse Moshe was quoting – Exodus 29:43 – to refer to the death of Nadab and Abihu. This Gemara taught that one should read not “My glory” (bi-khevodi) but “My honored ones” (bi-khevuday). The Gemara thus shows that g-d told Moshe in Exodus 29:43 that g-d would sanctify the Tabernacle through the death of Nadab and Abihu, but Moshe did not comprehend g-d’s meaning until Nadab and Abihu died.

This is an absolute departure from the previous attempts at finding fault and blame. This is not just unbridled ignorant joy, but holiness itself. Their death is the death of the favored by g-d. Their death is a sacred act, their offering a sacred one.

So, after all this information and all these rabbinical explanations, why – I can hear you still wondering – is the name of this blog eish zarah? The easy answer is that I identify with Nadab and Abihu and their unidentified offering, this strange fire that no one knew. I identify with these two who out of ecstatic joy or confusion or chutzpah or all of them togetheroffered something new to HaShem. I am a trans Jew, a queer Jew, a convert. So much of what I have to offer is somewhat new, is often unsure, is always strange.

I do this joyfully, full in the knowledge of possible death, full in the knowledge that some of my fires are “against” traditional Judaism and “traditional” Abrahamic morality. I do this aware that my Jewish life is – by many – not considered to be sacred. I do this mindful that my path may even be seen as not just un-sacred, but as innately unholy. There are some who may wish me consumed by an angry fire and others who judge my motives to be unrighteous and impure.

And yet, here I still stand – a Jew. These strange fires are the fires that burn within me. I will place my incense upon it and offer up what I have.